Pregnant and so excited!

It has been awhile, sorry about that.....anyway I am just writing to update, I am 15 weeks pregnant and we are so excited.  My fertility intact after the whole ordeal. :) :) :)   I will be getting labs done again coming up.  I can't do the scans while being pregnant... Anyway, my life has been awesome, I have an amazing man in my life, and we will be finding out if we are having a boy or a girl in about three weeks! God is good, I have so much gratitude...
Also, this blogger has changed a bit, if anyone has questions that stumble upon this site, feel free to email me, m3monarch@gmail.com .... please put BloggerM in the title... I am open about my experience and if can help in any way, I will.
Anyone reading, lots of love your way!!! and thanks for those who were so supportive!

All is looking good!

  Today was a nerve wracking visit of course.  I did go upstairs and see the nurses, they seemed happy.  My gratitude outweighs my fear.  Not my fave place to revisit, but just the same I wanted to see one nurse in particular... She was in fact working downstairs today... I saw her, we hugged, chatted, it was great...

I had a mini-cry fest waiting for the results in the docs office, once I was in the back.  At one point I said to the nurse something along the line, of look this isn't like waiting for my gynecologist... she quickly went to grab the person who has worked with me all this time....

When she came in she was talking about the sheet I had filled out with current symptoms, in less than a minute I snapped about the labs..... Everything looked good, a low count on some cells, but nothing concerning.

Though it's been over a year, 13 months or so, it is not simple to go to those appointments, and the idea of doing it for the next four or however many doesn't sound enticing, but I am very grateful that I am well today.  <3 <3 <3

Another Update and Labs Today

  Hey, I haven't written since I had my scan in November which was clear!  In under an hour I go for follow up blood work.  These appointments are nerve wracking and though I love the people who work there, I just want to never have to go back.  Remission lasts for five years, then I am considered a survivor, well I've gone into my philosophy on that topic. I am a survivor!!!  Anyway,  I just wanted to throw up an update, and will of course edit this later or post again saying all is well... :)

I am thinking of going up into the nurses station and saying hi, I haven't been back up there since my last chemo treatment.  They are wonderful, and I would like to say thank you (again, I'm pretty sure I've said it)..... eek but I don't like the idea of going in there..... See how I feel, I hate seeing people sick with that jazz.....

Oh and about my hair... I will post again after it's lightened, with a pic.... and... life is great!!! Love you guys!!!

~m

Cat Scan Results and an Update

Yay!  I am clear, the scan was awesome, great results, my lymph nodes look good things are going well.   I broke into tears when she told me, yesterday and today were difficult, I don't think people understand how scary that is to face even if one is cancer free.  The actual scan yesterday, well I feel like it's all very invasive, and I'm burnt out on it, yet I know it's awesome the medical technology, needless to say I wasn't a happy camper yesterday and today got better once I got my results.
  People who've had cancer or have been very close to someone can understand, but not like someone that's been through the whole ordeal.  I also kept thinking of this girl, wondering what happened to her, and her ongoing battle it seemed she had to deal with.
  I watched the clock this morning ticking, slowly, waiting for the awesome staff member who's been there since the beginning, she walked by and said she'd be right in, I tried to analyze those words, were they heavy, neutral, positive..... and in the end great news!!
   Anyway it was a busy day, one of the things I did to treat myself was buy some stuff for my hair, okay and I bought a programmable coffee pot as well, and...... lol just playing.  Thank God all is well, really thank God...
  So I want to hit the gym harder coming up which I shall after I get over this minor cold.  What else was I going to say..... I guess I could update my life, and if I've written this part, oops, I can't remember it's so sporadic now....
  I still model a bit, I've been doing spokes modeling of late, a bit here and there.  I will stay open to other genres, there's been interest here and there for small projects but logistics have to be navigated.....  and ..... currently I mentor teens, I volunteer at the AIDS coalition, I bring a meeting into a rehab center, um.....chair a meeting.....well all sorts of things, really my goal is to do God's will, whatever that may be, to help others if I can.  I think we all have that capacity.  Though I screw up as much as I help I suppose....eeek.....

Alrighty then, I'm rambling, today was a good day for me, dealing with just a scan, brings up all sorts of feelings for me.  Oh yeah I'm still sober.....not quite a year, that truly is just about today, I have relapsed more times than I'd like to admit, well who cares, if I knew how many I'd tell you, all been a huge learning experience...  thanks for all your support.... love you guys! <3 <3 <3

~m

Cat Scan Today

  Hello, well I will write again likely tomorrow after I get my results.  I have another scan, and I'm stressed out.  I do not like this stuff.  I just want to get on with my life.  I think people all have an idea of what they would do or I should do if.... eek I don't want to say it, but honestly, how the heck do they really know if they haven't gone through it.  I met someone that comes to mind, and it seemed like she went through junk over and over again, and frankly I'm uninterested in all that.  I'm emotional, and just want to live my life.  And also part of me down the road wants to say F these scans, but I know if C ever came up they could catch it more quickly.  Just the same it's nerve wracking.... here's an old song that I've been loving of late..... it's a toss up between this and the 'St. Elmo's Fire' theme song.....maybe I'll post them both...I love them!  yes for the ol' skool tunes, happy :)  I have a ton to be grateful for today! just stay in the gratitude.... <3 <3 <3

My hair pics off phone 10/6/2012

So about a year later after my diagnosis and chemo, the whole deal, here is my hair, today was day three without a wig in public, well I experimented four days ago at the gym and showed my friend, it's been bleached and it reacted weird to the toner, well post chemo your hair isn't the same (I have learned) on what to expect.  I will get it where I want it eventually, but for now here it is, my pixie style...... :)  At least my hair isn't the same as it was before all of this...

Sans Wig!!!!

  I made a baby step!  I went out without my wig tonight, this will be the first day I was out in a public setting without it.  I went to the gym and then I showed one of my guy friends what I look like with short hair.  I have always had long hair so this was huge for me.  I am guessing other women that have either never had short hair, or have had the post chemo experience can relate to what I'm saying.... Anyway, I told myself there was no way I would even go without until my hair was a certain length, but I did, and I'm happy I did.  My neighbors who don't know me well had seen me without in passing and my family who knows me very well.  A friend who is honest, well he honestly liked it, that helped for sure...
  I realized a long time ago that I am not my hair, but just the same it's been a very big deal to me waiting for it to grow... Anyway, I am grateful to be well and be making progress in my life.  Thanks again for all the support... !!!!

And will be going over blood labs from a bit ago coming up :)