Friday, March 23, 2012


                                        I don't think I posted this video, but either way I like this song.......

Not too far down the road I am suppose to have that pet-scan update.  I really don't want to do this.  I want to ignore it, just let time slip away.  A part of me hopes that the doctors won't contact me for follow up.
  It's been difficult to be around groups of people that I hadn't been around in many months.  Their inquiries are too much.  At times I get defensive, then once recently emotional and I just lost it and started to cry.  Being in recovery, many people mean well with their questions, but sometimes I think people are just nosy.  It's very frustrating, for me to be kind with their questions, at times next to impossible it feels and I just turn bitchy.  I think in time all this will pass.  I really hope so.  Certain things don't just end for me because they are over.  I am sure many people feel this way.  Will I get this scan?  More than likely, yet I really, don't want too.  You know that whole ignorance is bliss deal.  I don't know that I've been as ignorant as I'd truly like to be, lol.  Sure, likely in ways, I don't have it all figured out, but once you know, you can't just pretend you don't.
  The most important part is to stay in the now.  This seems so hard for me... I am trying to take better care of myself, though it hasn't been perfect.  Doing what I can do...I am sober at this time, I really want to want to be sober more.  In time I believe this will happen.  I have loved sober living before and I know I will again.  It may not even be that so much, (well in ways) but having sleep issues leaves me grumpy a lot, drained, which doesn't make for a happy camper.  Definitely not for me, I've been too on edge.  I just have to keep on trucking.  :)

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