Monday, February 6, 2012
I will have a blood draw on Wednesday. Last Tuesday I had my last chemo and it left me feeling not so great overall. I will update this blog as things occur, and likely on my thoughts about this all. In a few weeks or so I will have another scan. I don't really care to do this scan, all should be fine. I currently want them to remove the port, or the teletubby plug as I call it, from near my right shoulder. I am sure the doctor will want to wait on removing this, but I will insist that it be removed. It's my body right? right. Actually I'm not going to even go into the port topic any further.
Today I feel like I am in a funk. I believe there is a certain wtf now feeling after going through all that I have been through regarding this topic. There are ideas I find interesting in life but just not interesting enough right now. Before all of this, I went through a period of really not wanting to do the whole life thing anymore. Then I fought for it, no that's not right, I walked through what I had to and here I am now. Obviously I wanted to live more than another month.
I am sure my hormones are going crazy. I find out in a couple months if I am menopausal, lol. Even with the tests they do though there are no guarantees on the results they give me. It could take about a year to know about all that. If I did go through menopause it wasn't so bad. I had some hot flashes, and yeah that's about it. I don't really think I went through it.
I do know this, I would like to get out of here at some point soon. I'm sure it will happen. Even if I don't go far I need a break from the scenery here. I need a month off from doctors. It was funny they tried to schedule me for more chemo and I looked at the secretary type person and said fuck this, meaning the schedule she handed me. At that point I hadn't seen the words chemo written in there, once I noticed as I was hooked up to the bags I called to her (she's great btw, I love her) she came over and I held out the schedule and ripped it a third of the way apart. I basically told her she could have that part back I wasn't doing it. She was awesome and laughed and understood. I had already committed to two extra treatments not four. Likely it was left in the system.
Anyway friends have asked about this blog, and I will keep it going. I'd love to change the title but the ultimate reason for writing is in hopes of helping another or others. A handful of people in my life have suggested I should write a book. The ones that know the many facets that make up my life. This blog I haven't applied myself in a literary fashion. In regards to writing, I don't know about the pieces of my life, they are with everyone I know. There's no doubt it would be interesting... Anyway I may switch it up and veer from the topic at hand, people can go through the past entries...I don't really know, but I do know this, I hope not to think about this forever.