Ping Pong

  Back and forth in my mind I keep going.  That extra four treatments I can't get out of my mind, one of which I have done.  I finally thought just research it, and got the American Cancer Society on the phone. They will look up stats.  I really feel it's unnecessary to dump more toxins in my body after doing two extra treatments, yet I doubt myself.  I pulled out all my paperwork, calendars and whatnot what one of my practitioners had written first.  I'm bringing it all in next week, and saying, see this is what you said here if the pet scan was clear...an arrow was drawn to radiation.  Well they don't want to radiate, but I'd rather radiate a few weeks, then go on and on about this chemo crap.  The radiologist seemed to think two extra would be fine.  I am so sick of being an obsessive individual.
  I think about God's role in it all, and then I think have faith, then I flip too the idea that man has tapped into science for a reason.  I'm sorry but a doctor has to say more than we don't know why they like to do four extra on top of your best scan.  Now the A.C.S. can research it and get back to me.  My doctor is excellent, and definitely a chemo pusher.
  Decision making is for the birds!  Anyway, so far this round of chemo isn't horrid, though I've experienced more nausea.  Mild sort of on going throughout today.  Eating helps.  And the first night I was wired for sound, up until like five.  And I'm so hoping the achy stuff that comes in a few days is mild....
   Soon this will all be over.  I am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  I seriously can't believe it was caught in time in a way.  That's a trip.  I should have known something was up since I wanted to sleep all the time.  Towards the end, before I found out.  Then the achy stuff, I thought was workout (when I was still) related, even went once to the doc, I thought I had hurt myself...oh and then my friend I got a couple massages from her from being sore... and I guess I was getting winded...and depressed.  LMAO....ok so maybe a few signs, a couple flu's it seemed like, etc...etc....and a cough as well.  Weird in one of the pics my trachea was totally pushed over....but I am still breathing today!
  I just reread the part about God's role in this, likely I could do a hundred more treatments or next to none...and it would all be whatever's in God's plan...For the record, though I hate chemo, it has saved my life, the way I don't go crazy with all that is denial, and I don't research it and the side effects..I know the major ones, but for some reason all seems well.  :)

~m