Friday, January 13, 2012

Too confusing to read~ 2 more Chemo's I'll do, then likely no radiation,idk

Holy shit I just read this, and save yourself some sanity and skip it...the title says enough, lol...UGH

Where to start...since every patient with cancer gets different news, and I'm still a bit confused, I'll just lay out my little decision.  My cancer is gone, and I believe they believed that something would show up on the scan and I'd have to do some more chemo.  And even if a scan is clear they have you do four more for extra protection.
  I talked to the radiologist and well he needs to talk to his partner to see if it's worth doing, as there is nothing to pin point and radiate.  The plus about chemo is it hits all parts of your body.  Of course there are all the negatives.  I totally played every card I had to get radiation and not do anymore chemo... well if I do four more chemo sessions then I wouldn't have to do radiation, which I pretty much knew.  Long story short he didn't even know if they would do the areas the cancer had been before, he would need to discuss it with that other person, and me being neurotic felt that I should go with two more chemo sessions and not four.
   Four is excessive.  I am cancer free as it stands, two more is good insurance, not to mention they will do scans probably for the next five years to see if I'm still cancer free.  Pet scans are great, but they can't pick up a teeny tiny cancer cell if it's developing.....just to let you in why I'm having to figure any of this out at all.....
   The conversation with the oncologist ended up going well, and I'll hold back anything negative I may want to say, I know with my attitude in the beginning she didn't think I would do much chemo at all.  So her intentions were sound...enough said on that one. Here's the rub, when it comes to making decisions I can get very stuck, I can take a great deal of time picking a dark chocolate bar, or whatever.  These life decisions cause me and likely many people a lot of stress.  This afternoon I realized I couldn't sit here without a plan, and wait til sometime next week to have one.  I thought ok, if they can get me in at the beginning of the week, then I'm in.  Two more I'll do.  It was a coin toss.  If they couldn't I thought maybe I'd go the radiologist route.
   I pick up the phone, after I had tried to find someone, an expert type support line, for someone to talk to, like a 1-800 number.  No go on a couple of those.  Then I thought I will call my shrink, see if I can squeeze in somewhere.  Too late in the day for that.  Oh yes, I'm obsessive, ocd, which means many things in my world.  Unfortunately it doesn't mean that my clothes have to be neatly placed, or my floor scrubbed clean to the point you could eat steak off of it, nope, in other ways....It applies here because I knew I would obsess about this for days.  I needed a plan, a concrete this is what I'm doing plan.
   I called the cancer center, they sent me to voicemail which would get back to me before five.  Then I called back, the doctor had gone home for the day.  I may have told the lady that I wanted to change my mind on the message about chemo since it wasn't set, and I'd wait for the radiologist, instead I started rambling, crying about it all, ending the message with the words spoken quite loudly, "I'm freaking out".
   I got a phone call back from a lady I love who works closely with the doctor and everyone doing scheduling and what not.  I was bawling, and told her my predicament, she was so kind, I asked if I could get in Monday for chemo.  That I was due.  She felt concerned because I was so upset, so I calmed myself and said that the doctor would be good with it, she just wanted me to do more chemo.
 She checked on it, and I'm scheduled for Monday morning.  Then in two weeks my last chemo.  I highly doubt they will want me to do radiation.  Also I need to mention I am aware there are side effects with radiation.  The good news about having small breasts is it likely wouldn't affect them as far as far as cancer occurring in the future which can be an issue because of where the radiation would be pointed.  It would be pointed in the area between my breasts where inside my body I had a tumor at least the size of both of my fists put together.... (I know that because I asked the radiologist when we looked at scans today :)


  1. Cancer is a beast and it's awesome to hear that you're cancer free. As far as what to do.....wish I had great advice for you. All I do know is make sure you do your follow ups. My grandmother had breast cancer, they removed the cancer but the d bag Dr's she was seeing didn't schedule or inform her she would need follow ups. By the time she went in the cancer had come back and spread through out her body and she had less than 6 months. My advice to everyone now is make sure you get your follow ups and/or a 2nd opinion. The only person you can truly trust to look out for you, is yourself. Stay strong friend, stay strong. You've got this beat!! :)

  2. That is terrible to hear about your Grandma..I am sorry :( and yes I agree with the follow ups. I feel I have a good plan, and I'm going with it.... thanks for your support, it is beat I am cancer free!!!! :)