Monday, October 17, 2011

I had the flu? and maybe adult onset asthma? a month to live?

  Hello, I am Mica, a 32 year old female that has for quite some time been in pretty good health all in all, though in years past I did play hard. I can't leave that part of the story out.  Could that be the crux of this story? I will never know and it's not likely, it's a bit of a mystery.   
  Anyway after talking to my mom on the phone I decided to go over to the hospital which is so not me unless the world is falling apart, but just the same I went one night, I didn't feel that I could breathe very well, long story short, they decided to do an x-ray, I felt silly even doing it as nothing seemed that seriously wrong.  Then low and behold they found a large mass over my heart and sent me home.  That night was the longest night of my life, or one of them, I am now in recovery for polysubstance abuse, and all I could think of was the only thing scarier was feeling like I was overdosing, (which is a more acute feeling, and one thank God I haven't felt often, anyway I digress) so I was up all night, then calling people very early.  I had a cat scan to schedule so I called very early in the morning.  It was that afternoon, after wards I was admitted into the hospital.  
  Fortunately, I was medicated for pain and a bad attitude, and had a few biopsies.  Oh yeah I had about a pint of fluid around my heart they had to drain.  The pint of fluid was also in my lungs, actually it may have been more than a pint all in all, had this stayed it would have led to a heart attack or drowning.  
   The crazy part of it all is I know my body so well.  I mean I am dialed in, after biopsies and a pet scan it showed this cancer was spread all across my lungs, and a spot on my stomach.  The good news is that it is  Hodgkin's Lymphoma which is highly curable, yet the bad news was that if I didn't start chemo I would die within "about a month" my oncologist said.  And I totally believe her on that one, especially after seeing the fluid from my heart in my drugged up state.  
  I am hitting the highlights, or the lowlights if you will....after leaving the hospital, I had been sober over two years, but I thought now is the time to get wasted. (It definitely was not the time to get wasted, ahh but I did it anyway) after getting that out of my system for the time being, my family was on their way to take care of me.  I didn't want to be a drunken, trainwreck burden on my mother who has helped me immensely through the years.  
  Here is another piece of me, I have had mental health issues for years that have been off the hook, in fact I use to get pissy, all the attention people with cancer received because I believe money needs to be distributed more evenly for research, I still believe this and always will, cancer patient or not.  Anyway, back to my mom, she has been a rock in being there for me, and I wanted to try and be coherent upon her arrival, even though my world was spinning out of control.
   We learned after she arrived that I had a month to live, the mental health issues tie in because I'd be lying if I hadn't considered letting God, universe, The Great Spirit or whomever else just take me away.  I was seriously considering dying.  But a month.....that was too soon.  That's all I could really think.....


  1. I'm so speechless right now. I just know I love you and believe in your life, in your strength.

  2. ahh thanks Anne, I love you and feel the same about you, we go a way back into the realms and areas of strength!! :)

  3. Mica- I miss you. I am glad you are posting this and I will learn from your experience. My mom was my sisters rock too, besides God. Mom took care of Cheri as she is a breast cancer survivor. Mom has past away, but Cheri is strong and doing well. Cheri took the hard "street road" many times. Keep strong Cheri's cancer is in rememission its been about 8 years for her. Right now I am reading your blog as I am being tested now for Breast Cancer and going thru different appointments. We think I might not have it. I pray for you and you are an inspiration. Keep posting. People are reading and care for you.
    Christine Smith-Meyerpeter

  4. Christine hello, hello!!!! Thank you so much for reading and telling me about Cheri's story, and it is awesome to hear she's been in remission 8 years. I pray that your tests come up healthy and well. It's such a pleasure that you have read and commented. I will have to thank you know who for directing you this way. When I got off facebook it was kind of hurried so I had to tell him to tell people bye, lol..I miss you.
    Also I'm sorry for both you and your sister's loss of your mom. I hope your work is doing well. And also thank you for your way :)