Friday, November 4, 2011


  I had a really nice time with my dad while he was up from Cali.  We spent time with the rest of my family and whatnot.  As far as my cancer goes, my favorite oncologist is very pleased. I am healthy at this point, just anemic. For this I am glad, I have a cat scan on the 21st to make sure this chemo mix is working.  It definitely seems to be.  The Oncologist said if it wasn't, that my veins would suppress or do something and cause my head to swell up.  I mean really swell up.  It sounded nuts.  I have also learned that anytime they get next to my teletubby port, to put something in my mouth that tastes good.  They flush it, and the fumes go into my mouth. And the last nurse was stabby.  Needle hurt in and out.
  So I am moving chemo to Tuesdays, every other week still.  Tonight I went through the process of washing the wigs, which I should have done sooner, but since I had two it wasn't that big of a deal.  Kind of an odd feeling washing your hair in front of you.  Things aren't as traumatizing as I would have thought.
  I have to stop eating so much, that's not a good thing, I'm like straight off the farm healthy.  All in all I have to let go of most things superficial.  Which is a hard lesson.  They put steroids in the chemo, and she cut back on them, but I couldn't figure out why I was starving all the time.  Anyway, I will do what I can about it and not obsess, ok, maybe I will obsess a bit.  I am going to try and run some on my treadmill, and take it as it comes.  For all those people that every hated me, their dreams are coming true right about now....well unless they wished me dead, because I'm still kicking!
  I am grateful for the time I spend with people.  You know it's bizarre, there are these weird stats, that survivors at a certain stage live an average of five years after that and other stages like ten years after whatever stage they survive from. Then beyond that oh shoot I am confused right now, they die of something non related perhaps?  I may have written this before, but it is so bizarre, stats like this, and I really think I must be misunderstanding something, not to mention I can't buy into that know, I won't be buying into statistics, HA! maybe I am reading it wrong....who cares, who knows....
  I do know this, I am enjoying my family and my friends~ Those stats, just bother me, because would anyone in their right mind, fight for an extra five years on average? Perhaps I would, it is five years of life, but this journey takes a toll, and though a lot is gained in ways, it's hard on a person I think, ten yes most likely worth a college try ;)  Most people and even likely medical professionals would say, don't pay attention to that stuff.....I think....
  I like this quote from the silly but cute movie "Little Black Book" that Brittany Murphy said (when still alive).  I can so relate throughout my life...

  How does a girl who falls...
No, actually, she jumps...
... eyes open, down a rabbit hole,
plummeting into chaos...
... come out the other end
The answer?
She doesn't.


  1. LOL you are soooo funny! Those who wished you dead! and you probably gained how many pounds? Really? I always admired you gorgeous blond models. In fact in the movie version of my book I want sharon stone to play me, even though I am a 4'11" Dark eyed dark haired and if I may say so beauty, I still want her to play me. We can work it in . LOL This is awesome writing M. Love you!

  2. LOL, I'm glad you liked it, and believe it or not, I am sure there are some who have wished me dead or are relishing in this, maybe not, just a thought, ;)
    About the pounds, not fun! And you are a beauty, Sharon Stone, she's pretty but if it was possible for you to play you, that's whom I'd go with,(you are a beauty indeed) or a replica of you, a clone, lol.. but I know what you mean, I have been into the dark haired look as you can see from my new wig....and thanks! <3