Wednesday, November 30, 2011


  I am starting to feel a bit better.  Of late I have wanted to change the heading of this blog, the title, Cancer Chapter.  Though I talk about that part of my life here, it really is just a part of my life.  I recently tried to figure out what the percentage would be, but I can't really do that, because some things aren't black and white.  The things I have learned aside from all this, maybe wouldn't have been learned had I not had to deal with this.  It is in fact just a chapter though.
   I see these older people for the most part at the cancer center.  It's such a trip that I am there.  There are oodles of youngish/young people dealing with cancer, but not as many as there are old.  At least I am mainly seeing older people.  Of course, half the time I feel about 17, I'm not exactly a youngin'.
  I dialed a wrong number not long ago, to talk about an appointment at the cancer center and oddly enough I dialed an old friends number, and rattled on about my mistake on her machine, anyway she called today....I love it when different events happen that tie us all together more closely.  (By the way, I don't live in a city of like 500 or anything so that is quite odd to happen).
  I never knew I was sick, and the oncologist has said at times, you will start to feel better, but I didn't feel bad physically when I was "sick".  Very tired this summer, mostly I was depressed, I had such horrible spells of that, but I blamed it on hormones, I haven't felt as horrid since that mass has shrunk above my heart, I have to believe they are tied together.  I had in years past experienced these wild manics primarily, and then like I said had icky depressions this summer.  I had had them before in my life, but ugh, it was horrid.  Now if I feel like I'm getting down I know it will pass.
  In January that should be my last treatment, then on to radiation.  I am not one to count my chickens before they hatch, but I truly hope this is all gone.
  Oh, switching to the topic of wheat grass.... great concept, but I am fucking over wheat grass...  all around for what you yield it's a pain in the ass, it's great for you, blah, cat knocked over a whole tray and I thought I was going to go postal.  I am slightly anemic, borderline anemia, most of the time and I think wheat grass is suppose to help with all that, but I really could careless at this point.  My mom has been awesome in every way and she is still into me drinking it and I will, but it takes half a tray to squeeze out not all that much....I just threw some in the Vita Mix instead of the juicer to yield ALL benefits.  Anyway, it's great for you, but a pain in the ass if you ask me.  (yes, yes, it's amazing for people I know)

  There is a lot I could write, but instead I'll leave this prayer by Mother Theresa... the last line has helped me tremendously, it was odd, months ago I found one copy I had of it, then within about a day or so found another copy, whatever amount of time is was very short.....

The Final Analysis

People are often unreasonable, irrational, and self-centered.  Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives.
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
you will win some unfaithful friends and some genuine enemies.
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and sincere people may deceive you.
Be honest and sincere anyway.

What you spend years creating, others could destroy overnight.
Create anyway.

If you find serenity and happiness, some may be jealous.
Be happy anyway.

The good you do today, will often be forgotten.
Do good anyway.

Give the best you have, and it will never be enough.
Give your best anyway.

In the final analysis, it is between you and God.
It was never between you and them anyway.

~ Mother Teresa

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